After several years of not posting a single thing, I think I am ready to go back to my Clappy Shoes! Yay! I am celebrating with my cup of coffee and a bowl of Malt o Meal honey nut clusters! Very proper celebration I am having.
A new story. . . a new chapter. . .
Last night I had a consultation scheduled for the gym that I just joined. . .10 fitness. That's right, $10 a month to work out on their state of the art equipment. My intention on joining was to just have a place to run when it was cold or bad weather. The consultation was a complimentary service that they give you when you sign up. I got a call last week that asked me what time I would like to come in and honestly I did not really feel like I needed their consultation since I have been in a dozen gyms and worked out on all of this equipment before, but he said that he would check my BMI and I really wanted to have an accurate baseline.
Yesterday was a gorgeous day and I thought since I had to go in for a "consultation" I would just go for a run before my "consultation" that way I got my work out in. I show up at the gym and while I am waiting I posted "Sitting in a Chair LOL" at 10 Fitness on Facebook. You will discover that I was not "Sitting in a Chair" for long. Consulter aka "Muscle Head" starts off with my BMI and let me tell you that I was really shocked at my percentage of body fat! What was most disturbing is that I just lost 20 pounds and he was telling me that over 1/3 of my body was STILL made up of fat! That was disturbing. Needless to say, my motivation for working out increased. Then Muscle Head went on to say that I needed to be lifting weights if I wanted to decrease my body fat. This is the last thing that I want to do or to hear because I love running. It makes me feel like a million bucks when I am finished. Weight lifting makes me hungry, tired, sore and all together Mrs. Cranky Pants.
Muscle Head decided to show me a thing or three of what I needed to be doing as far as my work out each day. His consultation is getting more intrusive which I boldly state that I have already ran today. In fact, I just finished before I got here. It was like there was muscle wax in his ears because he just plowed ahead. He gets me on my favorite machine, the treadmill. He proceeds to have me alternate running and sprints for 10 minutes. I am feeling pretty good about myself because I aced the test. I feel like he should know that I am an expert at this gym thing and he should just move on to his next client.
"Let's move over to the weight room," Muscle Head states. I am already feeling uncomfortable in this new location because he did not take me to the girly weight area where I am knew that my sisters would have a little pity for me. He took me to the open aired area where all of his other Muscle Head friends were. He grabs a 20 pound weight and has me do 5 squats and hold for 5 seconds on the last squat. He did this a few times and then he moves me to the rowing machine where he sets the weights to 70. He sees that my form is so bad that I look like my back may crack at any point. He gradually moves me down to 50-well isn't he sweet? At this time, I make several smart alec retorts like, "I actually like my body fat and I would like it to stay where it is, you must be friends with Jillian Michaels and my favorite . . . this consultation seems to be more of a deterrent to the gym." I think he liked my statements because he decides to move me back to squats. I knew that I had upset the gym gods when I started feeling this awful knot in my stomach. He moves me back to the row. I am sweating more than I have in 90 degree weather running a 5K. I stand up and I am sure that I looked like a ghost. He states, "let's move on over to the arm press machine." I asked for a water break where I walked slowly over to the back of the gym to rest my head in the water tank. I thought maybe I could shake the feeling if I moved really slowly. Making the trek back to the arm press, I realize that I am not getting better. I sit on the arm press where he starts telling me the correct way to position myself for bulging muscles like his. I look at him and tell him that I am either going to barf or pass out. He matter of factly said, "Oh it's ok, you won't be the first one this week." He proceeds with the plan. I state, "You do not want me to pass out or barf." He said, "move over, I will show you how to do it." As I am watching him, my eyes go crossed and I am sure that I was white as a ghost. He said, "Go" and pointed to my relief - the bathroom.
I wrap myself around the public toilet like I have never known a better BFF and I gagged my way to relief. I know, the details. . .sorry. I stayed in there for several minutes getting my bearings. I go back and he continues to show me what I need to do to lost that fat. I politely listen and watch him do the exercises that I am supposed to be doing, typing out everything he has taught me on my phone and pray that I never see this guy again. I walk out without my dignity, but I am pretty sure my percentage of body fat has decreased.
Today, I am sitting here with my pajamas still on and very reluctant to squat to go to the bathroom. I think I will hold it as long as I can. My new facebook post should state, "Sitting in a Wheelchair LOL" at home.